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Dynamic Dads

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Great book for first-time dads, newly revised and expanded version now out... Congratulations, You're gonna be a dad!

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Father accidentally films his own death

When Google executive, Forrest Hayes, 51, installed surveillance cameras in his luxury yacht he probably had security reasons in mind. Now, Santa Cruz, California police say the hidden cameras reveal images of the prostitute Hayes hired coolly stepping over his lifeless body and calming taking one last drink of wine before pulling down the blinds and quietly exiting the boat. Hayes, a married, father of five, found Alix Tichelman, 26, on a sleazy website where older men hire younger women for "arrangements," i.e. prostitution. Tichelman is shown on the yacht videos injecting Hayes with heroin among other activities. When complications set in and Hayes began to struggle for his life, Tichelman showed no signs of offering assistance or calling 9-1-1. Among her Facebook postings were these gruesome thoughts, "Really nice to talk with someone about killing sprees and murdering people in cold blood...and they love it too, no judgment, yay!" she wrote on her page.

Prostitute, Alix Tichelman, 26, in court for initial hearing on murder charge

Hayes’ family, trying to remember the good times, released a statement to the media saying, ““Forrest will be remembered above all as a loving husband and father.” So read his obituary, which was published in the Santa Cruz Sentinel. “More than anything else he enjoyed spending time with his family at home and on his boat. His brilliant mind, contagious smile, and warm embrace will be missed and cherished in memories by his friends and family.” How sad. The Google IT executive who previously worked for Sun Microsystems and Apple apparently led a secret life. Police are unsure whether the heroin injection was a one -time event or whether Hayes was a regular user. Authorities have already confirmed this was not his first dalliance with Tichelman.

Forrest Hayes, 51, died after being injected with heroin and left for dead on his luxury yacht

This story should remind all husbands and fathers; you are leaving a lasting legacy. Either positively or negatively spouses and children live with the memories and moments spent with their husband and/or father. No man can be perfect. There’s no use trying. But how will you be remembered? It’s not in the one-time events where we make the most impact as dads. Sure, the photos from the Grand Canyon or Disneyworld go up in our offices or on the walls of our homes. But it’s in the daily routines, the little things in life, where we often leave the most lasting impact. Did my dad ever play catch with me in the back yard? Did he attend my school’s drama production where I played a supporting role? Was he loving, kind, involved? Did he show up? Was he faithful? These are the questions wives and children ask.

Santa Cruz, CA harbor where Hayes' body was discovered

Father wounds hurt. And they leave a mark. One day children will look back and remember the good times and the bad. They ponder the high and low points. If you are a dad and you are involved in a secret, double life; let the warning of this pathetic story shock you back to your senses. If you are addicted or struggle with gaining freedom from destructive habits, seek help. If not for the sake of your family it might be for your own life.

Kudos to Daniel Murphy

New York Mets second baseman Daniel Murphy missed the season's first two games to be with his wife during the birth of their first child earlier this week. Everyone was really happy, right? Well...no. A couple of radio talk show hosts in New York criticized Murphy's decision. Former NFL quarterback Boomer Esiason said, "Quite frankly I would've said 'C-section before the season starts. I need to be at opening day. I'm sorry, this is what makes our money, this is how we're going to live our life, this is going to give our child every opportunity to be a success in life. I'll be able to afford any college I want to send my kid to because I'm a baseball player,'"

Excuse me?

Mets second-baseman Daniel Murphy is receiving criticism for missing two major league baseball games in order to be present at the birth of his first child. What would you have encouraged Murphy to do?

  Full disclosure. My wife and I have five children. I have been present at the birth of each of our children. And also, I must reveal that my wife is a Neo-Natal Nurse Practitioner. So, maybe we know a bit more about the dangers that can occur during a routine delivery. In fact, there's no such thing as a "normal delivery." After our first two children were born and there were no complications, I began to reason, "How hard can this be? We've got this down pretty well." Then our third child, Evan, was born. It was a difficult labor. Phrases like "failure to progress" and "breech" were being thrown around. After I saw my wife's limp leg flop over the side of the delivery table I excused myself from the proceedings and quietly slipped out into the hall of the Baylor Hospital in downtown Dallas, Texas praying, "Please, Lord, help us have a healthy delivery." I was desperate. Everything was moving in slow motion. A couple of neo-natal doctors appeared in the room to assist. After experiencing that event, I can't imagine encouraging a dad to be anywhere else except by his wife's side during the birth of their child. I don't care if the dad is a CEO, a Hollywood actor, or the best player on a Major League Baseball team. You will never get that moment in time back. Another sports talk host spouted, ""To me, and this is just my sensibility, assuming the birth went well, assuming your wife is fine, assuming the baby is fine — 24 hours, you stay there, baby is good, you have a good support system for the mom and the baby, you get your ass back to your team and you play baseball," Craig Carton said. Can you hear all of the assumptions in that lame prediction? Assuming the birth goes well? Assuming the baby is fine? Assuming your wife is fine? Hey, buddy, moms can die during childbirth! Not all babies make it through the grueling delivery process! Dude, not all births go well! Another radio sports blowhard, Mike Francesa bloated, "I don't know why you need three days off, I'm going to be honest. You see the birth and you get back. What do you do in the first couple days? Maybe you take care of the other kids. Well, you gotta have someone to do that if you're a Major League Baseball player. I'm sorry, but you do … Your wife doesn't need your help the first couple days, you know that," Francesa opined. What time does Francesa get off the air and go back to his cave? Another disclosure. As I mentioned we have five kids...and I have also written five books. The one book that my wife helped me write, Congratulations, You're Gonna Be a Dad! is actually the book that has sold the most copies. (And yes, she lovingly reminds me of this fact from time to time.) In this book we encourage new dads to be fully present in the days leading up to and surrounding the birth of their first child. Family experts agree incredible bonding and emotional imprinting takes place in the first few hours and days after delivery. Experts tell us newborns can actually recognize subtle differences in factors such as touch, smells, and voice patterns. Again, these are moments that a new dad will never get back. Of course we realize there are some circumstances, such as military service, that cannot be avoided. But...golfing, a business trip, or a baseball game? Come on

Although he didn't have to miss a Major League Baseball game to do it, author Paul Pettit was present at the birth of all five of his children. Thankfully, Evan, far left, made it through an incredibly difficult delivery and is now an engineering student at the University of Arkansas. Not all deliveries end well. Pam, center front, assists families with babies in the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit at historic Parkland Hospital in Dallas, Texas.

 And so, in the midst of this current cultural firestorm over paternity leave, dads being present at the birth of their children, and sports talk radio hosts spouting misogynistic nonsense...Dynamic Dads honors NY Mets second-baseman Daniel Murphy for skipping three days of Major League Baseball work to be present at the birth of his first child. Way to go, Murph! (By the way...real men help change diapers too.)

Kudos to NY Mets 2nd baseman Daniel Murphy for being at his wife Tori's side during the delivery of their first child

The Father Absence Infographic

Warning against Bill Gothard and ATI (Advanced Training Institute)

Unfortunately, from time to time, we at Dynamic Dads are forced to warn our readers concerning the activities and practices of other organizations. It brings us no joy to issue a rebuke to another organization. However, we are open to others examining Dynamic Dads and if the need ever arises, would welcome investigation into our beliefs and practices. It seems the same can no longer be said for Bill Gothard and the Advanced Training Institute.

Numerous Christian media outlets are relaying allegations from various families alleging Gothard has secreted away teenage girls to his ministry site in Oak Brook, Illinois. Gothard, never married, stands accused of counseling, holding, touching, kissing, and "mentoring" young women. Witnesses are claiming Gothard spends an inordinate amount of time with these teenage girls forcing others to ask, "why?" Of course men counseling women is no sin. But the Bible cautions against older men "training" younger women (Titus 2:3-4). Of course, Gothard never having married is no crime. (Oprah Winfrey has never married and yet she has made a career of dispensing advice on marriage and parenting.) If evangelicals are going to accuse Woody Allen of improper behavior in this regard then we should not shy away from a complete and thorough investigation of Mr. Gothard who finds himself facing similar rumors. Today, Dynamic Dads calls on the legal authorities in Oak Brook, Illinois, to undertake an investigation into the practices of Bill Gothard and the Advanced Training Institute. These allegations are serious and from all accounts appear to be quite credible. Multiple witnesses are involved and have come forward. Fathers everywhere should seriously consider whether sending their teenage daughters away to "learn" or "serve" at ATI Headquarters is a healthy idea. In addition to legal authorities (local police and local child protective services agencies,) Dynamic Dads calls upon pastors and ministers in the town of Oak Brook, Illinois to thoroughly investigate these serious allegations which have arisen against Mr. Gothard. As far as we understand, Mr. Gothard has not been arrested or charged in a court of law. By all accounts the ATI Ministry operates under a cloud of secrecy. Bill Gothard has built a reputation of acting on his own apart from the local churches and parishes he purports to serve. However, the court of public opinion has looked into these credible stories and found Mr. Gothard wanting. He should come forward and completely open his ministry activities to the light of day. Nothing less will quell these rumors and allegations. It's the least he can do for the families he attempts to serve.